About four years ago, I was suffering from a case of senioritis. I was a high school senior, already admitted to college and enrolled in said college. School didn’t matter much anymore, and other than maintaining my grades, I became very relaxed about everything. That’s not really the case this time around.
Here I am, a senior again. However, I have a different case of senioritis. I don’t know what I’m doing upon graduation, and that scares me. A lot. I don’t think I have senioritis, I think I have something else. I think I have a case of “Oh my god, I am a college senior and I have no idea what I’m doing when I graduate”itis.
This time, it’s much different. Last time I was a senior, I had a clear idea of the future. I was set in my choice of college and all I had to worry about was maintaining my grade average, which wasn’t hard. Now, it’s a different ballgame. No, this time it’s a whole other sport. What sport, I cannot tell you. Maybe it’s something very complicated that many don’t understand but it’s very alluring and people want to know about it. Or something like that.
When I was younger, up until last year, I was incredibly excited to graduate and start my life.
After having a taste of “freedom” when I spent my semester in Washington, D.C. made me even more excited. But as soon as I started my last first day of classes, it became real. I won’t be a student forever. I cannot pull a Buster Bluth and be a professional student.
Just thinking about the future makes me anxious. My heart starts pounding, my palms sweaty and my mind swimming. Yeah, I’ve applied for jobs, but as of Nov. 8 at 2:17 p.m., I am still unemployed. Here’s hoping that won’t be for long. But I need to remind myself, it’s still early to find a job. At least I’m not applying to law school or graduate school, like many people I know. I need to take a deep breath and calm down. Easier said than done.
I don’t think senioritis in college exists. Maybe once I become employed I will amend that statement, but the unknown is too scary. I wish I could go back to high school senior me and say, enjoy the relaxation while you can, enjoy having the next four years of your life set, because that’s not going to happen again for a while.